How to eat cheesecake: if you’re going to, you may as well do it right

If you are not willing to eat cheesecake RIGHT, you shouldn’t be eating it.

Why? Because even the no-sugar-added version I’m enjoying right now from Kennedy’s Cheesecakes in Hamilton, NJ, is labeled at 320 calories, x g. of fat, and x. g. of carbs (not sure what the ‘net carbs’ would be) – and costs around $1.50 per x oz. slice.

So, non-trivial on all accounts.

It is amazingly easy to eat a slice while watching TV – and to have, later, almost no memory of having eaten it.

A shame – and a waste.

Cheesecake should be eaten straight from the freezer, but run through the microwave oven (12 secs on the over-the-stove one), and eaten from the narrow end, so that each bite is still cold and ALMOST frozen as you eat it.

It needs to be smeared on the inside of the mouth on each of the flavor-sensing areas, to dissolve slowly.

Each bite must be followed by putting the fork (and the plate, if necessary) down, so that the brain is not involved in any of the following distractions: touching the plate, touching the fork and keeping it from falling out of the hand, and the worst, preparing the next bite by spearing it on the end of the tines. You want absolutely no processes coming between your brain and those taste buds, because the sensation is at best fleeting.

The tongue is involved in two ways: it is packed with tasters – and it is an efficient spreader.

Other distractions: TV, computer, radio, other diners, and, the worst, the MATE, should not be allowed in the same room: this is a short session for maximum pleasure. Don’t contaminate your pleasures.

If you are going to eat 320 calories of cheesecake and be sated and not overstuffed, you are going to have to be very careful with the experience.

Oh, right: your eyes should be closed (reason enough for getting rid of those other people in the room). Visual input is the major distractor from paying attention to sensual input. You will get plenty of stimulation for your visual memory from the few seconds you open your eyes so that you can, AFTER a bite is thoroughly dissolved and swallowed, find your fork to select the next morsel.

It goes without saying: keep your bites SMALL. You don’t want to waste a single calorie that gets swallowed before it is tasted.

And one slice IS enough lunch, done right: it will fill your stomach WITHOUT stretching it (Mode 1 of food satisfaction).

This is a SENSORY EXPERIENCE: enjoy.

And, by the way, if you need another piece right away, YOU HAVE FAILED.

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