I am always the wrong survey demographic

Diverse group of people in silhouette playing basketball on the beach. Words: Nope! You really don't want me to take your survey. Alicia Butcher EhrhardtMOVE ALONG; NOT THE DEMOGRAPHIC YOU’RE LOOKING FOR

I can’t fill out your online survey, and it is because you don’t want me in your group of survey respondents. I’ll ruin your results.

Really. In every possible area, I am the wrong demographic for your product.

If I bought your product, I am the wrong person to answer your feedback questions. My answers will either be trite and obvious, or useless.

Why did I buy your product in the first place?

If I bought your product, it was often for an off-label reason, and it’s also probably for a one-of-a-kind reason.

You will most likely not get me to buy your product again unless it perfectly serves a need I have – in which case I won’t need your advertising, or your automatic refill system, or anything useful to you in a marketing sense, and I’ll just buy it again as long as you make it and sell it. On my schedule. Which would give you conniption fits if you knew it, such as my buying a product only during the summers.

If you, by chance, put up a product which is perfect for me, and I buy it and love it, and tell everyone, and answer your questions, and leave a review – you will not find enough other people like me who will also buy it, and you will end up sadly taking it off the market.

In fact, I am the kiss of death for your product.

You fervently hope you are not attracting customers like me as your main audience.

What is my demographic?

Well, I’m female, overeducated, in physics/engineering. And when I see an ad at all, I read it carefully, and recall a lifetime of broken promises from you marketing folk, and it makes me very wary.

I don’t read Romances. Not the modern ones, anyway. They are about people in a very tiny demographic (perfect perky women and billionaires and Scotsmen) I’m not likely to ever come within range of, and I really can’t identify with them.

I don’t use cosmetics, except when trying not to scare the horses in the streets, and then buy an inexpensive new mascara once every couple of years.

I don’t wear heels – that eliminates a lot of potential products. Back in the day, shoes for women stopped at a size 9 (and were made fun of in Clementine: ‘and her shoes were number 9, herring boxes without topses sandals were for Clementine’) – so you can’t sell me women’s shoes, which are extraordinarily hard to buy by mail – the fit and all, you know. I wore a 10 before having kids, and an 11-1/2 W after three of them, darn it.

I am past the age of your female products, not interested in your products for older women (please God, as long as possible). I take as few supplements as possible. I don’t use anything with an odor.

I shop online – but not often, not well, and not impulsively

I’m disabled – and I don’t go shopping. I used to be tall, and you lost me a long time ago because it never occurred to you that a woman might be proportionally shaped, so it was either tall (and thin) clothes, or short (and ample) clothes at the stores, and never a large enough size in the tall ones – and you trained me out of all the female clothes-buying patterns I might have established way back then by having no merchandise available in my size.

I have no interest in fashion – because I was never able to get into it, and the hand-made clothes were never quite fashionable (even the patterns were hard to get in the right size, way back then, and had to be modified).

I have AdBlock on my computer. I don’t use a smart phone to access the internet. On purpose. Even Facebook ads get easily ignored – I’ve permanently tuned them out, and only sometimes bother to Hide Ad so you get that information.

Don’t court me – I’m a terrible consumer

You don’t want me.

And if you ever sent me a product to test, you would be sorry. My reactions would drive you to pull your hair out, and if you followed any of my suggestions, to the poorhouse.

And that is why I won’t fill out your survey or send you feedback: it’s a waste of both our times.


Are you their demographic? Some people actually like to shop.

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6 thoughts on “I am always the wrong survey demographic

    1. Alicia Butcher Ehrhardt Post author

      It is very nice of you to do so. They are taking your time and your energy.

      I might do that for a survey on something I cared about, such as solar energy (assuming I even believed they were a legitimate survey), but I don’t let any of them get to that point any more.

      For marketing, I don’t think it would help if I did.

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      Reply
  1. Pingback: On Being Told What and When to Read | Maverick Writer

  2. Catana

    I couldn’t count the times I’ve wanted to write a rant like that. On the few occasions when I’ve started to fill out a survey, I just gave up. Laughter or despair? Whatever. I’m no one’s demographic, either. Maybe we can form our own?

    Like

    Reply
    1. Alicia Butcher Ehrhardt Post author

      I dunno. That’s the problem with being way out. The center holds all the people who are the target demographic for surveys, people with more average bodies, people who use Frebeeze and scented candles and aromatherapy (I can’t use any scents because my nose won’t saturate – the smell lingers forever at the original intensity, and vies me a headache), people who buy new clothes on a regular basis…

      Whereas those of us who are different are going to be on the periphery – but the periphery of an expanding set of circles can make us far different from each other. You’re welcome in my non-demographic, but our demographic is ‘people who are not…’ and that is a little vague. We share a passion for NOT taking surveys. That will have to be enough.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

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